Teen suffers rizz attack.


Aubrey Cruson

Lip biting emoji trying to seduce you.

Teenagers these days… they come up with so many weird words; half the time I don’t even know what they’re saying. At the local high school, all that is heard is “teen-slang”, but from the looks of it, someone is getting bullied.

you like lolis…
cause I got one
you can have for free.

“They always do this. It’s like a game to them. Ha ha so funny, we get it I don’t get any chicks.” The guy seemed to be especially annoyed with one of his friends: “I mean really, I get I don’t attract girls as easily as my other friends, but for him to call me rizzless. Now that’s just plain mean.” The annoyance faded into acceptance and that switched to a more depressive state. I’m pretty sure I saw a tear roll down his cheek. 

We went over to his group of friends where they all seemed to be sharing a laugh. 

“It’s a harmless joke. He knows that. No need for him to get his panties in a bunch.” He took five minutes to say these three sentences, through his uncontrollable laughter. In between his sentences I saw his friend starting to bawl out of the corner of my eye. “Ok get this… we went out to the mall and he started to say this chick over in the candy store was fine. We hyped our boy up and so he went over there. Let me tell ya… worst mistake of his life.”

At least they were supportive… I guess they just don’t know their friend as well as they thought they did. We went back over to the friend to finish up the full story.

“I was feeling confident that day. I’m usually the one who sits and waits for my friends to get a bunch of numbers, but I figured today was different. I had my Nike Air Forces on, a flannel over my hoodie, and even cargo pants. Women love cargo pants right? I could hold anything they want for them. But I guess my fit wasn’t good enough. Anyways, I walked into the candy shop and grabbed a lollipop. I went over to her and said “you like lolis… cause I got one you can have for free”. I thought it was a pretty… sweet… get it… sweet… pick up line. She however did not like my pick up line and called security.” 

I was too stunned to speak. That poor lady. Forget about this perspective, we need hers! Can someone do that? Please? No one cares about gross teen boys… her story will make the top story. The media will go crazy over it!

Today we are back with the candy shop story and this time we have the woman’s side of the story. I’ve been waiting for this story for weeks! 

“I just wanted some chocolate.” She spoke with ease and a care-free attitude. “It was a normal day for me really. Boys like to think they have “rizz” when really they’re just creepy as hell.”

Well I thought this would be a better story. I was hoping she’d be enraged and running around with a pitchfork or something. I guess I’ll see yall next week for another story.