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Spartan Scoop

Spartan Scoop

Inform · Connect · Entertain

Spartan Scoop


The “new discovery” that’s not so new has scientists in a frenzy
Karma Patey
A Chinese dragon annoyed by the “Chinese dragon” fossils

The magical identification of the original Dinocephalosaurus Orientalis was back in 2003, but the most recent discovery of another fossil,the “Chinese dragon,” has given scientists a more complete picture of this strange creature. 

Jesus DIED for our sins and now you want to act like some stupid fish is important!?

— Bryan Hitch

The creature has an even longer neck than expected from the first one found. Scientists have been also able to make more connections between the Dinocephalosaurus and other similar aquatic species from the Triassic period.






Scientists all over the world have expressed their feelings for discovering these extraordinary fossils:

  • Ross Flech (paleontologist)- “I would.”

  • Monica Grettel (news reporter)- “…didn’t we like already discover this? Why do I need to be writing about some dumb dead animal?”

  • Gunter Hext (dinosaur enthusiast)- “Did you know that this fossil is actually one of its kind. It’s also not actually like a Chinese dragon at all. If you look closer you’d realize that it resembles the brachiosaurus. I don’t even know how these ‘scientists’ got their jobs.”

  • Alice Brandy (teenage girl)- “What fossils? Sorry I don’t know about anything happening in the world unless I get it in a cat-meme form. Look… guys, gays, and theys: I’m just a girl.”


Although scientists have already found fossils of this creature, they claim that this set is different due to it being more complete. It is currently allowing them to understand more about this “beautiful creature”. 

The scientists stated that they are completely “baffled” by how this creature has adapted to its way of life during the Triassic period. Its long neck has enabled it to spy on the “little fishies” that are hiding deep in the ocean, in small cracks between piles of rocks and debris. Its flippers have made it easier for the creature to move in a propeller style motion to quickly ascend to the surface after finding food. The researchers basically described it as imagining those little rainbow hats with the spinner on top, that’s how the “Chinese dragon” moves just with more power.

However, this ground-breaking find in the scientific field hasn’t been able to dodge controversy. 

Many religious groups have spoken out about the findings:

  •  Rebecca Leebo (Anti-Evolution Church)- “Seriously? Dragons? What are we a fantasy book? Get a grip people.”

  • Bryan Hitch (Rapture Church)- “Jesus DIED for our sins and now you want to act like some stupid fish is important!? What has this world come to?”

  • Seth Trit (Happy Happy Church)- “I swear I saw this in a vision once. I might have had one too many puffs that night…”

  • Mary Phillips (Berry and Hunting Church)- “My husband told me to only make an appearance. I’m technically not allowed out of the house.”


A lot of this outrage from the various  churches has created a stir within the general public. These groups have begun to surround research labs in order to protest the furthering of studies done on these fossils. Scientists are being swarmed with reporters and angry mobs as they try to get to their jobs on time. 

However, scientists have paid them no mind as they’re too astounded by their findings. Scientists from around the world have all gathered at the National Museum for a meeting to discuss the fossils. These discussions are also known as “dinosaur” talk, where the researchers can talk about anything and everything.

Some of this “dinosaur” talk includes:

  • Random screeching (they’re trying to impersonate the dinosaurs)
  • Spitting random facts (yes all of them are hyper-fixated on dinosaurs)
  • Utter nonsense (half the time they make up words to sound smart to each other)
  • Math questions (because apparently math and science are related?)
  • Women (not actually – they’re scared of them)
  • Comparing research (some work does get done at these meetings)
  • Conspiracy theories (what would science be without theories?)
  • The Big Bang (it all started somewhere)
  • Their lunches (their mommy made it)
  • Bones (that’s the whole reason they’re here)


The discussion may not always be fully on track, but it’s a fun way for the scientists to keep in touch with each other. These meetings are generally member exclusive, they don’t want any “normies” to get in. 

These scientific meet-ups are also what the scientists use in order to all stay on a level playing field once new information surfaces. The ground-breaking news of the “Chinese dragon” has kept them all on their flippers as they learn more about this aquatic creature. 

About the Contributors
Alexis Long
Alexis Long, Reporter
I like to make fun of myself... please laugh.
Karma Patey
Karma Patey, Illustrator
the dude who draws the things who isn't the other one