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Spartan Scoop


Zombified students slowly stop showing up to class
Karma Patey
Zombified students going insane.

At Gleek High School an apocalyptic outbreak has become widespread throughout the student body. The outbreak was stated to have spread during the first week back from summer vacation and only to be affecting those students who take a zero-period class. 

The zero-period government teacher at GHS, Mike Pinnes, has filed multiple complaints to the school board about students not participating in class due to their zombified state, but no actions have been taken. Mr. Pinnes has found this year’s students to be extremely challenging with their lack of participation and overall attendance in class. 

The forceful removal of them leaving their beds in the morning causes them to crave it that much more.

When trying to interview students from his class, none of what they said was audible. It came out in barely registered mumbles that sounded as if they were gargling mouthwash. 

Unable to obtain student interviews, the focus was moved onto the teachers of zero-period classes:

  • Katherine Hager (Chemistry)- “I just thought the students were finally having a reaction to all the chemicals they’ve ingested and inhaled. At least I know I won’t be fired.” 

  • David Matte (Math)- “As long as I don’t get infected, I don’t care about what happens to the students.”

  • Kevin Tuckers (Weights)- “No wonder my boys were slackin’. I gotta get them back into shape before next season. We don’t have time for some fake disease.” 

  • John Harp (English)- “Honestly, it’s a reasonable response to being forced to read Shakespeare at seven in the morning after only getting a couple hours of sleep.” 

At GHS the students have gradually gotten worse throughout each week. The teachers reported to have seen a noticeable absence in their class as the zombie-like symptoms persist. Some of these symptoms include: falling asleep in class, not speaking or groaning out answers, glazed over eyes, missing class, lack of understanding, and unkempt appearances. 

Bystanders on the scene told the reporters that the school looked like a scene from The Walking Dead. With the foggy mornings and students dragging their feet, heads tucked down in their phones, the bystanders had an unsettling feeling creeping in. Due to this many began to avoid the school during their morning dog walks.

As Mr. Pinnes had stated, each morning fewer and fewer zombified students show up to class on time or at all. However, the mysterious disappearance of the students has yet to be caused by anything specific. Mr. Pinnes provided his own theory for the disappearances: he believes many of the students have “dropped dead” (he hasn’t come to terms with the possibility of a student not wanting to take his class).

The school board (consisting with a majority of older generations who’ve forgotten about their high school years) held a meeting about the disappearances earlier this week. They came to the conclusion that students simply have become “too soft” for early morning classes. During the meeting the topics of workload and hours of sleep students get were brought up. However, both topics were shut down with a unanimous opinion that teenagers should suffer the same fate as those before them.

They believe this “zombie disease” is being faked and put into place by the federal government to shift their attention. From what? They have no clue… Which is exactly what the government wants them to think. 

With this decision by the school board, the zombified students still roam free throughout the school. Many of them barely make it to their fourth-period class before passing out or walking home mumbling the word “sleeeeep” under their breath. 

The forceful removal of them leaving their beds in the morning causes them to crave it that much more. The desire they have for sleep makes them helpless at school, with their actions (with zero thoughts behind them) taking over. While Mr. Pinnes theorized that the students were “dropping-dead”, it seems the main cause is that the desire for sleep is greater than for knowledge, the majority of them decided to drop their zero-periods to fulfill this desire.

All of the zero-period teachers have come to terms with this fact because it’s just “another part of the job”. Rather than taking it to heart, they’ve realized that most people don’t wish to wake up early and be forced to act civil. They find it hard to do so but try their best for their students.

The problem is still unresolved at this time. More meetings will be held and the public is invited to attend. There will also be free food to entice more parents to show up for events that regard their children. If anyone is interested go to the Gleek High School website to find out where the next meeting will be located. They look forward to hearing from you (not just because they have to)!


About the Contributors
Alexis Long
Alexis Long, Reporter
I like to make fun of myself... please laugh.
Karma Patey
Karma Patey, Illustrator
the dude who draws the things who isn't the other one