On Sunday, February 13th I went shopping at Southgate Mall. This was nothing out of the ordinary. I didn’t have to work my usual shift and I had just gotten done pet sitting for a friend, so I had some money to blow. What better to do than spend the whole day buying things from perfume and lotion to a really cute Valentine’s Day dress? 

After blowing an ungodly amount of cash, I went back home and then immediately got bored. Luckily enough for me, Death On The Nile had an afternoon showing in half an hour. And it was 30% off. I really had no choice in the matter. 

So off I went to the movie theatre. I ordered the classic popcorn and coke and settled in for 30 minutes of ads and trailers for upcoming films. 

Now, I love murder mystery movies. Trying to figure out the story and piece all the evidence together is a lot of fun. However, I felt like Death On The Nile was lacking something. Consider this to be a few spoiler-free complaints. 

Death On The Nile follows the famous detective Hercule Poirot on his vacation to Egypt. His peaceful rest gets disturbed by a “terrifying” search for a murderer when a lovely couple’s honeymoon on the Nile river is cut short. 

 I have to admit that when I bought tickets to this movie I had no idea what it was about. I saw the trailer for it at the University Center when I was out with friends a couple of weeks ago. The number of jokes between “the Nile” and “being in denial” was astonishing. Anyways, going to see this film was merely on a whim. One that I kind of regret listening to.

Death On The Nile isn’t a bad movie. It’s just painfully average. And when it comes to murder mystery movies, being average is just about the worst place you can be. A good murder mystery is just that, good. And a bad murder mystery is fun to laugh at. Average murder films leave everyone unsatisfied and wishing they spent their money on something else that was more worthy of their time. That being said, let’s get into the positives. 

The setting and character dialogue was amazing. The interactions the characters had with one another were great, and some camera shots during the movie were absolutely stunning. Those alone somewhat made it worth it. But it’s hard to focus on beautiful sets when you’re falling asleep from the lack of surprise and predictability. 

Death On The Nile runs for about 2 hours and 7 minutes, and I think it’s safe to say that about half of that time is filled with meaningless fluff that does nothing to progress the story. It’s such a shame. The actual “murder mystery” part doesn’t start until well into the second half of the movie. Which makes the whole start of the movie seem rather lackluster. 

I could go on about how boring the first hour of the movie is, but I have more to say on other topics. The detective trying to hunt down the killer was pretty cringy and very predictable. Don’t even get me started on how the first victim was killed. It’s very much impossible that no one had heard what happened. The whole cat-and-mouse game between the killer and detective Hercule Poirot was unrealistic and tedious. I don’t know about you, but I prefer realistic and complex murder mysteries over the ones that feel like someone’s fever dream. 

The worst part of it all is that the movie was actively trying to be too interesting. There were many times when the creators of the film obviously wanted the audience to make an audible gasp. They failed pretty miserably. The twists, turns, and dramatic reveals were, as I’ve stated, predictable. And by the off chance that there was one unpredictable surprise, it was so boring and unfulfilling that I can’t even remember it. 

So, overall, I can confidently say that Death On The Nile is an okay movie. It’s not phenomenal, but it’s not the worst thing I’ve watched. I think if you go into it with low expectations it’ll be really good. But be warned, if your looking for a satisfying mystery or any sort of storyline, Death On The Nile might not be the thing for you.