THIS IS NOT NEWS!

This piece is purely satirical, and is not intended to contain any accurate information.

January first of 2022, the recreational use of marijuana was legalized in Montana. Dispensaries have understandably received a huge influx of customers. Another business, however, also shows signs of an unexpected new rush.

The fast food industry has gained a massive rush right around 1:00-2:00 a.m. every morning. It’s correlation with the legalization of marijuana for recreational use is no coincidence.

“He opened his window to pay us and I was hit by a cloud of smoke,” recalls fast food worker Amy Anderson, “As soon as I inhaled the scent of weed coated the inside of my nose for a good few minutes.”

Owners of the fast food restaurants, however, are ecstatic. One owner mentioned to us that their total revenue has increased by five percent! This has allowed them to buy a new store within the franchise and build it in a busier area of town, which upon completion will further increase profit. 

We had the opportunity to work in one of these restaurants and interview some of the customers. One interviewee was quoted saying “You a cop or something? Quit asking so many questions. I just want my food, man”

  Another said “Yeah I definitely should not be driving right now but frankly I just forgot that I’m high”

On the other hand, employees are becoming increasingly angry at this rush, as it means they have to work harder during later hours. Many are saying their sleep schedules are off, especially teenagers. 

“I have to go to school in the morning,” complained Eric Wheeler, a high school student working the munchies rush, “but I’m stuck at work until 3:00 a.m., sometimes later.”

Not only are the hours long and late, but the work is intensive. Stoners trying to figure out what to order is hard for those taking orders, people are driving intoxicated into the drive through, the kitchen gets extremely hot when busy, and there aren’t enough workers for the late shifts. Workers are demanding raises and some even promotions for the tough work, but it seems that as usual, franchisees are pinching pennies even despite the worker shortage. 

The greediness of franchisees is causing even more employees to leave the industry, as they feel their work goes unappreciated. Workers are saying they deserve more, and that those on top deserve less. “Why should the people who made [franchisees] rich be poor and suffering?” pondered Wheeler, “I mean, people can barely feed their family whereas they own restaurants in one of the biggest chains in America.”

The munchies rush is infuriating workers, getting more money for those who don’t need any more, and plain unhealthy for the teenage restaurant workers. While the legalization of recreational marijuana may play a part, the true culprit is the owners of the restaurants who refuse to help their hard-working employees. However, workers are making a difference. As they quit their jobs and go on strike, it forces restaurants to improve their working conditions or go under.