BREAKING NEWS- Unsupervised bullet goes straight for a baseball player. The bullet said it was “nothing personal”. 

During a college baseball game on Saturday night, a stray bullet ran loose in the field. Seeing the stray without its owner caused many concerns to be murred among the field. They weren’t able to see his tag, making them even more worried about the stray.  

After the chaos simmered down a bit, the players of the Blue Pants team, were interviewed on their thoughts about the stray:

• Jeremy Fallur (pitcher)- “He just looked scared. I was worried someone would step on him.”

• Hank Frank (catcher)- “Poor guy was shakin’ in his boots. He looked like he was tryin’ to find his owner.”

• Waterboy (waterboy)- “I thought he was going to tip over my water! Dumb bullet!”

• Johnson Gibbs (center field)- “It actually has happened before…well, it happens pretty much three times a week.”

• Micheal Horace (first base)- “I was just trying to play the game. What’s a guy gotta do to play a round of baseball around here?”

The bullet’s owner, Marcell Banks, seemed…less concerned.

“He’s for the streets now. No bullet of mine will run away and not face the consequences. If he wants a new owner he can find one on his own. If he’s happier resting in some baseball player’s shoulder, then I don’t want him back in my barrel.” 

The bullet simply would not leave the baseball players alone; he had become attached to the team. It would’ve felt like leaving a hole in the hearts of the players if the bullet were to go back home. 

However, due to laws (Gun Control Act of 1968 and Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act), the bullet was forced to go back to his owner. These laws don’t stop the bullet from escaping and running ramped, but they DO require the owner to provide an ID when bringing him back home.

With the bullet being able to easily escape…here’s a list of possible places your stray bullet may end up:

• A sweet 16 birthday party (he heard there was cake)
• The movie theater (he didn’t want to pay)
• The local homeless shelter (he wanted to fill their hearts with warmth)
• The homecoming parade (who doesn’t want free candy?)
• The mall (they said they had deals to die for)
• Walmart (half the people there were asking for it anyways)
• An RV (…maybe it’s cozy)
• Texas (if he’s not already there, he wants to be)
• An amusement park (there’s a lot of people to hide behind)
• The local Starbucks (he asked for 10 pumps of vanilla, NOT 5)
• McDonald’s (they were cleaning the ice cream machine during the lunch rush)
• Your place of work (they didn’t accept the time-off request)

With so many places a bullet could end up, it’s important to keep an eye on yours. Always make sure your bullet is on a tight leash. The rise in stray bullet occurrences has become the highest in history. Countless places have been impacted by these increases, with no clear end in sight.