Researchers in New Mexico have begun creating dead bird drones.


Aubrey Cruson

The drones are everywhere.

Has your family pet ever died and you still want to keep their memory alive? Well look no further than taxidermy drones and submarines! It’s the perfect way to keep your family pet involved in the household fun. 

Researchers from Socorro, New Mexico have decided to give dead birds a “new life”. This life will consist of the birds spying on their fellow birds. 

Using “reverse technology” the birds are able to begin their second life…since they loved the first one so much. 

However, (before the belief that these researchers are special comes to your mind) the same project has been done by one Dutch man and his engineer friend back in 2012. 

If you thought dead birds were bad…well clearly you haven’t seen it all. Bart Jansen, a Dutch man, wanted to pay tribute to his cat, Oriville. This tribute consisted of taxidermying and then making a cat-copter. A two-in-one!

Since Oriville loved birds so much…Jansen decided  to make him into one. Orville turned into Orvillecopter…The start of his new life. 

Though Jansen didn’t stop here. The next to join Orville was an ostrich. The researchers in New Mexico, however, focus more on the average flying bird. 

Here at The Spartan Scoop, we decided to interview the New Mexico researchers and some outside sources on their opinions. Here are their comments on the drones:

  • Mostafa Hassanalian- “I love the idea of dead birds. It takes out all the complicated parts of having to actually be humane towards live animals and, you know, morals.”
  • Brenden Herkenhoff- “No. No one will be able to tell the difference. They look the exact same as their fellow birds.”
  • Joe Biden- “Bird drones…why do we need those again? I thought we already made those back in 2000?”
  • Peter McIndoe- “I knew I was right to protest in 2018. Birds. Aren’t. Real.”
  • Bart Jansen- “Are the Americans finally catching up? Aren’t they embarrassed to be eleven years behind?”

The interviews, though insightful, still leave some questions: How far will these drones go? Do they stop at birds and household pets? Or do they become more enticing?

The Spartan Scoop has also created a list of other possibilities to what the future holds for taxidermy and advancement of drones:

  1. Politician Preservation (now they can be stuffed with something other than corruption!)
  2. Frog Spy Balloons (you know, from Shrek?)
  3. Cowcopters (way to take the fun from cow tipping.)
  4. Fetus Drones (since their first life didn’t happen…)
  5. Grave Granny (she just wants to be included in family game night.)

The afterlife that many worry about now has a definite answer. Rather than being confined to a coffin or ashes among the wind…the average person can now become preserved for tribute. 

Though light is gone from the eyes of the drones…they at least can pretend to be alive (much like the average high school student). Fake it till you make it…right? 

If technology can bring back the will to live, then it may as well be worth it to keep researching. 

Who doesn’t love the advancement of technology?