During summer vacation teenager Mariah Holden, found herself trying to “get rid of” her grandmother, Penny Clifer, after she got up too fast and had to be shipped to the ER.
Holden and Clifer took a plane to go sightseeing for two weeks over in Washington. However, this trip was cut short when Clifer got up too fast from the sunken couch and broke a hip. Holden had to then shove her into the rental car and take her to the nearest ER (it only has 2.2 stars on Google).
…Clifer had a .00001% chance of living…
Holden stayed with her in the hospital until visiting hours were over, after which she was left to her own devices. Not only was the only person she knew and who was responsible for her in the hospital, but she was also multiple states away from home.
Those involved in this everyday disaster were interviewed:
- Mariah Holden (teenager)- “Poor Granny. She doesn’t deserve to die so soon… unless she gave me some good stuff in her will… but unfortunately Granny’s too young to die.”
- Penny Clifer (Granny)- “I knew that hip was gonna give out at some point. The damn doctor who realigned it was only 27 years-old and it was a man, so you can’t expect them to do anything right. Men are only good for one thing: house work.”
- Richard Grandler (innocent driver)- “I swear on my ma’s grave if I didn’t pull over that youngin’ woulda’ hit me straight on. Teenagers and their phones I tell yea’.”
- Amanda Faulk (ER nurse)- “I don’t even know how that old lady is alive. She walked in here with the bone stabbing her kidney.”
Clifer was on the verge of death while Holden went sightseeing without her (it was what Granny would have wanted). Holden stated that she took Clifer’s rental car three hours away to the beach… She got it stuck driving in the sand because she saw someone do it in a TikTok once.
She claimed she needed to spend her grandmother’s money while she was stuck in the hospital and couldn’t stop her. Even if she weren’t in the hospital Holden is the “golden child” and gets whatever she wants from her “Favorite Granny”.
The following day Clifer was allowed to be released after her miracle recovery. Clifer was able to “pray the demons away” so that she could live to see one-hundred just like her mother.
The doctor who worked with Clifer was flabbergasted at Clifer’s apparent “living in spite”, since Clifer had a .00001% chance of living with her punctured kidney and bent hip.
Her spite came from the fact that a man once told her she should die young so she can look pretty in heaven. Clifer has since then made it her goal to become an “old hag” just to spite the grocery store clerk from her hometown.
Since Granny has all the time in the world and plenty of spite, here’s a list of what she plans to do before she dies:
- Puncture her other kidney (it has to be even)
- Commit tax fraud (she doesn’t like the word “tax”; her false teeth make it hard to pronounce the “t”)
- Make herself into a drone (it’s the only way to fully pay her tribute)
- Assassinate the rest of her high school graduating class (she can’t lose to Blanche)
- Marry a rich man (their wives are starting to die off)
- Sell her soul to the devil (she never needed it anyways)
- Do hard drugs (at least she waited until she was fully developed)
- Become president (she meets all the requirements and is still younger than half the people in government positions)
- Knit hats for newborns at the hospital (she has some warmth in her soon-to-be ice-cold heart)
- Become a mafia boss (if she couldn’t have a hot mafia boyfriend she might as well become one)
- Get on America’s Got Talent (she’s not talented, but she could come up with a good sob story).
- Change her identity (she just likes to know that she can in case of emergencies).
Penny Clifer still has her whole life ahead of her (estimated 1-40 years depending on her stubbornness). She’s hoping her bucket list will inspire others to increase the average life expectancy… Though she knows not everyone is as dedicated as she is.
Holden and Clifer did make it back to their home safe and sound. However, when they got back Clifer suffered another mystery illness that just happened to kick in after Holden served her the afternoon tea.
Penny Clifer will continue to complete her list… or die trying.
