Addiction is similar to a toxic relationship. Some people will always go back to it even if they’ve been through the worst types of situations. Addiction can be something that people find comfort in and are reluctant to part ways with. It’s an epidemic within the United States of America, with more than 40 million people being affected by drugs.
Although addiction can be ugly and damaging, the victim of the act isn’t. Fortunately, most people can part ways with the thing that’s affecting them most and become a survivor. Sadly, that didn’t happen with the person I grew up with, despite the lack of relation; he was someone who I saw as a person close enough to me to be known as Uncle Eggy. His closest family, his parents, my parents, my sister, and I, have lost him to his drug addiction but he isn’t the type of person to be looked at or judged for his actions. He hasn’t been remembered for his struggles, but rather for the person he was separate from the addiction.
My dad, Will Maloney, had known Eggy since he was a sophomore in high school. They both attended a boarding school on the east coast, with Eggy being a year younger than my dad. They met through mutual friends – Will saying that he doesn’t exactly remember how they met – and started to hangout and cause trouble together.
Boarding schools during the 1980’s were challenging socially. Other students were bullies, students were not properly chaperoned, kids did whatever they wanted because they did not have their parents around. There was also substance abuse due to the lack of supervision and the normality of using in the United States. Some kids were already trying narcotics at the age of 12. Eggy was one of them; using and trying drugs, drinking alcohol, listening to and attending Grateful Dead concerts by escaping from his school with my dad. The two teenagers had tried to play sports, primarily because my dad was on several school teams and wanted someone to practice with, but much to my dad’s disappointment, Eggy was not an athlete. He did have the height, but wasn’t particularly good at lacrosse or soccer, always making others laugh when he failed at something.
After they graduated high school, Eggy made the choice to attend the University of Montana and my dad came to Montana after traveling and wanting to see one of his buddies in 1991. But later in Eggy’s life, he had admitted to his mom that he never went to Montana just for college; he was dyslexic, and until that point had kept the pain of not being able to read hidden. They both shared so many good memories together – which I still hear stories about to this day.
My mom, Dena Froehlich, first met Eggy in 1992 through Will. They were all hanging out at a mutual friend’s house, doing what Grateful Dead fans ‘Deadheads’ would do. Dena still remembers that night when she met him. She thought that he looked similar to Gregg Allman from the Allman Brothers Band and the lead singer, Wesley Scantin from Puddle Of Mudd. Many times throughout the years, Eggy and my parents would lose communication with each other. When my dad moved back to his hometown to attend college after spending a few years in Montana with Eggy. The move had consisted of not seeing Eggy, whom he considered to be his brother and rock, someone who kept him stable.
Although the friends lost touch with one another, their friendship was always restored without effort when they would finally get back in touch with each other. No matter how long they spent apart, whenever they hung out it seemed like nothing had changed. After my parents had lived together in Massachusetts, they decided to move back to Missoula, Montana. They found out Eggy was moving around and living in a variety of places, but had mainly lived in San Francisco. He loved it there and kept going back to that place, but San Francisco had proven itself to not be the best place for him to live due to the drugs on the streets and Eggy’s increase of addiction with narcotics. Eggy would always find his way back to Missoula, Montana, and get in touch with my parents who’d welcome him with open arms and provide a place for him to stay. Eggy was in and out of the house about every four to six months. Eggy always knew he could depend on my parents, knowing that they would accept him with no questions asked.
He’d stay with my parents to sober up and then go back to San Francisco where his usage would increase. Will and Dena would hear from Eggy especially when he was going through a hard time, then my dad would get worried and head down to California with a couple of friends to try and find him. That happened a couple of times, and when they would find Eggy, they’d bring him back to Missoula where he would spend a few weeks detoxing in the guest bedroom upstairs, sleeping to his heart’s content. Eggy kept going back to San Francisco, and Will along with his friends went looking for him every time. This was until an agreement came into place.
Eggy was allowed to stay at my parents house before my sister and I were born and also after we were brought into this world. My family considered ourselves his second family, or even him being my parents’ third child. He would have a second home where he’d have a roof over his head, a stomach always full, and a little bit of spending money given to him. In return, Eggy would have to stay clean and help out around the house. Abbie and I were already used to our parents’ friends coming in and out of the house, but we have to say that Eggy was our favorite. He was known to us as our Uncle Eggy or Sleeping Beauty.
Eggy would always play pretend with Abigail and I, and sometimes he would get interrupted in his deep sleep by his platonic nieces. Although it seemed as if he was tired during the entire playdate, needing to catch up on sleep due to his struggle with detoxing. One of the reasons why Abbie started to call him Sleeping Beauty was because he was always asleep, trying to fight his own battles of getting clean. Eggy had always kept it to himself, never showing his two nieces that he was hurting both physically and emotionally. He had lived with so much pain that hadn’t been released to the surface.
Eggy would always pick us up from the school bus stop. Always putting me on top of his shoulders so I could see the world – something he loved and had a passion for. Some days, Eggy would sling us over his shoulders, with Abbie and I giggling and asking him random questions.
He truly treated Abbie and I like his own daughters. He would always attend our school activities like our recitales, concerts, and even our outside activities like gymnastics. Eggy was amazing, and it showed when I would not leave him alone. I tried to follow him around the house, wanting to sit with him, have him carry me in his arms or on top of his shoulders. Now, Abbie and I always hear how much he loved being with us, always being proud of what we had done, and how honored he was to be considered our Uncle.
Sometimes Eggy’s mom would come to visit him and our family to check in on her son. Usually, a couple days before she or her Eggy’s dad would come, Eggy would stand across the counter from Will. He would then have a smile plastered on his face, with his sky blue eyes filled with trouble. Eggy would try to give a script to Will, sometimes even trying to bribe my Dad in order to let his parents know he was doing well and was a fantastic roommate.
Everyday was a new antic, Will was usually dragging Eggy along with him to different places and trying to teach Eggy how to be a repairman. Unfortunately, Eggy failed at that; he couldn’t use a drill or any tools, and he broke a lot of things. One day, while my Dad was at work, my mom and Eggy were at home and Abbie and I were at school. The two partners in crime were trying to complete chores around the house, but then, my mom heard a loud noise and it did not sound good. Eggy had somehow broken the lawnmower; he was petrified. Eggy was so worried that Will would kick him out of the house especially because it was the brand new lawnmower. My Mom took the heat for Eggy, but not even a few hours later, the guilty man had confessed to Will. He was too honest and it showed, usually he would try to lie but then would confess to his guiltiness. Eggy continued his habit of always breaking things.
Most of the days after Eggy had picked my sister and I up from the bus stop, we would all walk home together, and then he would immediately start playing the music of one of his favorite bands, Puddle Of Mudd. Our house was always filled with music and the loud talking and laughs of the adults. On the weekends or during the summer, Dena and Eggy would be laying out in the backyard, soaking up the sun while listening to Puddle of Mudd. He would play his favorite songs on repeat, and now I cannot help but do the same. Other times, Eggy would spend the entire day with my Mom. They usually went out together to go grocery shopping, run errands, or they would stay at home to complete household chores.
Their talks were typically them messing around, but some of them concerned him continuing his path to sobriety, his future wife, and family. My parents would always be supportive of him, only wanting the best for him. Especially, during the serious conversations even though they knew deep down that his addiction was serious and would most likely not allow him to complete some of his long life wishes.
One day, all the fun came to an end. Will found something in the laundry room while sorting through the family’s and Eggy’s laundry. He had to make a decision that hurt him more than anything. It was a deal breaker, but he knew he had to do this. Eggy was already thinking about moving out with his girlfriend at that time, but my Dad had to tell Eggy that he had broken the most important rule and would have to leave; Eggy had relapsed.
Eggy had ended up back in San Francisco and the cycle started again. After a couple years, my parents then learned that Eggy was married, living in San Francisco, and in the depths of his addictions. This time Eggy’s wife had contacted my Dad. She needed help getting him out of San Francisco as soon as possible. William went back to look for Eggy with a couple of friends and brought him back to Missoula once again. It was another restart for Eggy, he had to start over and contribute to his new beginning. Eggy detoxed, his wife moved up to Missoula and moved into Eggy’s room.
Eggy and his wife found a place in Missoula to have their privacy. So they decided to move out of my parents house, needing to part away from his best friends. Eventually, Eggy’s mother-in-law moved in and he and his wife would become full time caregivers. Caregiving became too much for the couple and they slowly began using again, growing further apart because of their intense addictions. Eventually, the couple separated and filed for divorce.
They still kept in contact, but moved away from each other. His ex-wife started her new life, while Eggy was still hung up on his past. With his drug usage intensifying from the death of his Dad – something he couldn’t handle- he found himself nodding out almost every day. He started to lose teeth and become even more skinny than he already was. Eggy reached out to his ex-wife and his Mom, explaining his issues.
Fortunately, his ex-wife knew the pain he was in and told him she was going through a similar experience but about to find some help. She had planned on traveling to Cancun, Mexico to stay at a special resort in order to find the help she needed. She knew that her ex-husband’s dependency on drugs was becoming too much and gave up her spot in the rehab center for him.
The 49-year-old was excited to start his new life, but it was becoming too much once he entered the building. His past experiences with rehabilitation centers had all failed, the standard addiction procedures weren’t good for him, but at this new facility they used Ibogaine psychedelics. Eggy was hopeful and wanted to try it, so he flew out to Mexico. Eggy had a diary with him during this time, he spent a lot of time writing down his thoughts and feelings. He even included his goals, with his main one being to take care of his mother when he gets released.
Eggy was two weeks away from being released and continuing his own journey outside of the facility. It was a normal day in the rehabilitation center for Eggy, but it was also Mother’s Day, so like any child, he called his mom to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. As their conversation was beginning to end, Eggy parted ways with his mom like usual, “Goodbye! I love you so, so, so much, Mom. Pass God”.
Every parent has a special way to express themselves with their child, and that was theirs. Eggy started this saying when he was a little kid- every night when it was time for bed they kept the same routine. Mama Eggy would read a story for him, usually his favorite book Green Eggs & Ham and then a prayer with it followed by an “I love you, Pass God Mom”. His mom remembers that every phone call they had, letter or card, Eggy would always sign in the exact same way, “I love you P.G mom”
Later that day, he began a treatment process. During that treatment, Eggy suffered a heart attack. The medical staff at the facility began CPR and had tried to save him twice but failed. However, during the third time, Eggy had woken up. His eyes met theirs and he opened his mouth and whispered, “Let me go”.
A memorial service in South Carolina was held for Eggy by one of his old classmates from one of the boarding schools he attended. About fifty-five people had traveled from at least seven different states for him. Including his old boss, ex-wife, life long friends, school buddies, current girlfriend and his Mom. Mama Eggy had received many phone calls from across the country; all had known Eggy and wanted to share their feelings of loss. Eggy was a best friend to many, including my parents.
To be honest, Eggy didn’t fit into this world; he didn’t fit into society. Eggy didn’t like to follow the rules of the world in the nicest way possible. He was too good of a person. Everyone who knew him loved him deeply and he was the purest person I knew; not only to me but everyone around him. Eggy was a down to earth, lovely human being. His family and friends had a connection with him, and my connection is my favorite band, Puddle Of Mudd. I reflect on old memories, missing him everyday and thinking of him whenever Puddle Of Mudd starts playing. I now have a crystal he gave to my Dad, which my Dad gave to me. In the back of my head, I knew that Eggy kept this certain crystal always in his pocket, ready to hold it whenever he felt like it. He is my favorite Uncle, and I’m sure he knows it.
Day of Death:
Mother’s Day, May 8, 2022
We will always love you, Pass God
