THINGS I HATE 

I hate a lot of things: some of them are worth explaining, and others I simply will not.

Andrew Buchholz, Reporter|April 28, 2023

Aubrey Cruson

Andrew surrounded by things he hates

  • The color bright orange
  • Sleeves that are a little bit too long…or a little bit too short
  • People who ride your tail while driving even though you’re going the speed limit
  • Watching movies with the lights off, unless you’re in a movie theater
  • A room with no windows (The lack of light seriously disturbs me. Fluorescents just don’t do it for me the way the sun does.)
  • People who are up their own anal glands about the way you pronounce words like “caramel”, “pecan”, “water”, “creek”, and “roof”
  • The second Avatar for taking away three hours of my life (This movie was terrible. The plot repeated itself over and over and over again. It was monotonous as heck and I desperately wish that I hadn’t watched it.)
  • When people speak with absolutely no tonal inflection
  • People who end every sentence like it’s a question or the end of a paragraph 
  • The sound of paper sliding on other paper
  • THE SMELL OF PAPER TOWELS
  • Feet (they’re gross)
  • Humidity, of any degree
  • People who think all animation is a cartoon 
  • People who “aren’t really movie people”
  • People who “aren’t really music people” 
  • When you have just a little bit of hair tucked behind your ear – like not enough to be keeping it out of your face, but enough that you can feel it 
  • When there aren’t enough paper towels in the bathroom dispenser so you can only partially dry your hands so then you walk around with slightly moist hands for at least the next two minutes
  • People who use the word “umami” to describe every possible food experience they’ve ever had
  • When people ask you if you’re okay when you are clearly in the middle of a breakdown (“NO. I’m crying because I’m having the time of my life, Linda”)
  • Waking up one minute before your alarm sounds
  • When you do your hair and then someone comes up and touches it or pats you on the head (Is it clear at this point in the list that I have sensory issues?)
  • People who cheer you on in a mocking tone when you don’t finish something at the pace they want (Freaking gym girls cheering when I’m just trying to run.)
  • Waking up with a dry mouth and chapped, gummy-feeling lips
  • When you can see the edges of your hood in your peripheral vision
  • When people refuse to laugh at violence in movies because it’s “gross”, even though watching a dude accidentally fall into a woodchipper is hilarious (Tucker and Dale vs. Evil)
  • People who insist on making you happy when you’re perfectly content being in a grumpy mood
  • That the color chartreuse isn’t as pretty as the name sounds
  • Waiting for my car to heat up
  • Being home alone sick and not being able to find the thermometer or cold medicine
  • People who take everything literally
  • TONY HEMENWAY!!!!!! (This is an inside joke – absolutely no hate to my friend Tony)
  • Forgetting to turn your ringer off in a quiet space (like the doctor’s office) 
  • Plugging your phone in at night, but it not charging anyway (this is a cruel trick of fate)
  • Having only five minutes of a movie left when you have to pause 
  • Ambient lighting in a restaurant (I want to see the food I’m putting into my body…I’m not that trusting)
  • Having too much clutter on my desk
  • Having someone else’s clutter on my desk 
  • Reese Witherspoon and her face (I’m sure she’s a good person, but something about that smile triggers me)
  • When it’s been sunny for the last two weeks and then it snows on April 21, 2023
  • Wet socks (one of the worst feelings in the world)
  • The Lord of the Flies. I don’t care if it’s a classic – I simply hated it. I can’t even give a good reason, I just hated enduring this reading experience.